Sexuality is Fluid
I have had the draft for this post sitting in a file for a while now, waiting for a good time to post it. Then last week I was in my car listening to a podcast Titled “The Spectrum of Sexuality”. The Host Kyle Amberg said, “Your label is not your fucking destination”. I was yelling into my radio, YES KYLE, YES.
The original premise of this post was really just about exploring your sexuality and removing the shame associated with that. I talked about the stuck energy that results from burying your desires in shame and how it is something I work to clear with clients on a weekly basis.
But it really does just boil down to labels, doesn’t it? We have been labeled somewhere along the way and even every dating app forces us to choose a label. I have had arguments over my labels for YEARS with so many different people. I have had to explain my “label”. I have a close friend that changes her “label” on her dating app literally a few times per night at a party depending who she is communicating with and how they are approaching her.
I have been told by others that the reason they want to know the label is so they do not offend someone by flirting or with them if they are not attracted to that gender. Why on earth is that offensive? Please explain to me how one gets to that level of threat from someone flirting. If you are a straight man and a girl you don’t like flirts with you, do you get offended and feel threatened? Or do you just decline? Why is it different if a man flirts with you? And the same goes for women. For the record, I love flirty women, even if I am not going to sleep with them. Female energy is amazing, especially a flirty one.
To be honest, I don’t even know the difference in most of the labels. I would name the ones I know, but I will for sure miss some and then that is a thing.
Wouldn’t it be great if everyone could just be with who they wanted to be with based on how they felt in the moment? I have been with Lesbian women who flat out refuse to believe you can even be bi-sexual. Is that their ego? Why can’t I? I don’t really identify as a bi-sexual, I identify as straight if I have to identify as something. I have zero desire to live with or “date” a female exclusively, but sometimes I am attracted to a female for reasons that are unclear.
Sexuality is fluid, it changes over time. This is not only about who you are attracted to, but also your boundaries, fantasies, and desires. (Separate post, my once hard no on sub/dom relationships became my obsession for a while)
Be open to exploring your sexual urges. It doesn’t mean you have to take on a new identity or change your orientation if that is what is scaring you. I once asked a very masculine straight man to allow a bi-sexual man to give him a blow job during a 3-some and he agreed. Does that make him gay now? Or bi-sexual? I am not sure if he ever repeated it, but I know he was not ashamed of it and was fine talking about it. Side note, he admitted that he enjoyed it and he didn’t die, so there is that.
In my experience, the more sexually open an individual or couple is, the more likely they will ultimately at least try expanding their horizons. I think that it is sometimes because they realize there is really nothing taboo about it so they are willing to go a little further outside their comfort zone or outside the “box”, and then sometimes the thrill of experiencing the taboo pushes them to seek it out.
If you have not yet subscribed to the podcast Balls Deep with Kyle and Mike, please go to Spotify and do it right now. Kyle and Mike are a buffet of emotions. (and it is a shame that you cannot see them on the radio because they are also a buffet for the eyes). I yell and talk to the radio, I clap, I laugh, I take notes. It is deep and powerful one minute and then just friggen hilarious the next minute.