Mythical Pleasure
I rarely generalize to the point of assuming I know what “most” people feel, experience, want, etc., but I have a strong belief that most people live their lives in a state of disconnect. Disconnected from the true depth of sensitivity of our physical bodies. I’m sure there are a variety of reasons for this, but in my opinion, it is primarily due to religious and societal programming. From a very young age, we learn to suppress the desires of the body and to follow the thinking mind.
How many times did you find yourself in trouble as a child for acting on impulse? Your parents would say “think”.. or “what were you thinking?” or otherwise make you feel stupid. You were a child so it makes perfect sense that you just went with your gut and did what felt right. I am not saying that parents should not teach boundaries and decision-making skills, I am just trying to demonstrate a point that instinctively the majority of parents teach children to use their brain and thought to make decisions rather than their feelings or their instincts..
We have conditioned our sexual selves not to be very open. It is a lot of pressure to not express your sexual self freely. In General, society is not ok with eroticism and in response, many people develop a high level of disconnect from their naked bodies or their genitalia. We don’t even teach kids the real names for their genitals for fuck’s sake (or is it fuck sake?).
It’s truly sad because our bodies are full of sensuality and we have an incredible ability to feel pleasure! We are robbing ourselves of pleasure when we’re in a state of shame, guilt, or embarrassment about our bodies. And even worse, we have conditioned ourselves and our partners that their fantasies are shameful. Now we can’t even TALK about it, much less express it.
I work with clients to get past all of this conditioning and remove the toxic patterns in order to heal. Stop repressing shame! You can heal the disconnect and replace this energy with deep, soulful, and sacred states of pleasure in your life, in your relationships, and in the bedroom.
The first time you break through this veil and truly begin feeling these sensations in your body, you really can’t go back, you cannot un-feel it, you cannot unknow it. It might last 5 seconds the first time, or 10 seconds or 2 minutes, it doesn’t matter. As a Tantra Practioner, it is my goal to help you move from where you are to the next reachable place.
I would love for you to experience yourself as a fully alive human being, especially in bed. The entirely of my childhood and much of my adult life were spent in abusive and restrictive situations. The only time I truly felt free was during sex. Some may argue that this created a sexual addiction, much like drugs. I will not dispute that it could have and there is no question that there were points in my life that I did seek out sexual pleasure just to feel something, to feel anything at all. I guess one benefit of my marriage was that our sexual relationship was on point.
As I began to really awaken to the present moment and feel what it felt like to be one with the universe outside of the bedroom I spent a lot of time getting very real with myself and asking myself some tough questions. I wondered if I had “daddy” issues or if I was substituting sex for the affection my parents never gave me, things that many people ask me when they hear about my childhood and life.
I am an extremely logical person so I went on a journey to figure that out. I decided to be celibate for 1 year, (ended up being 15 months/against my will). I had a pretty awesome friends with benefits situation at the time, so it was definitely not timed out of convenience. I made a conscious decision to try it and see what I discovered about myself. Doing it at a time where I had a great sexual partnership going made it as difficult as it could get I thought, so there was no better time.
What I discovered is that I just like the sexual experience. There is no shame in that. I no longer cared what anyone thought. I was a single adult female having consensual sex. I don’t need to hide that or be ashamed of it. I learned how to connect with love in other ways, yes, but not to the degree that I have now learned.
It is not too late to learn to connect to your body. You can learn to embrace your desires and fully awaken all of your senses. You can feel your sexual experience in a way that may only seem mythical right now. Once you learn to feel pleasure in the mundane, can you imagine the amount of pleasure you will experience in the bedroom?