Why Do I Stay? -Releasing Hate & Anger

Continuing with the series Why do I Stay, I am fortunate to have a wiser power because I did not think it was time to post this one.  I created it to be next in line, but then thinking back to my own journey, I didn’t feel the timing was right for where I started the series. 

Luckily I have a good handle on my intuition in relation to other people so for whoever it is that is ready for this and needs this right now, I hear you, I feel you asking for it. It is up to you to use it, and to use it ritualistically. 

The thing about hate and anger is that they aren’t real emotions, they are a reaction to pain, a stage of grief.  Pain is a reaction to an expectation that was not met. It doesn’t make them any less important and you should absolutely feel what you feel without judging yourself for it.   Then at some point, before you become a life long victim, do something to stop the pain. 

I have found that the best way to stop the pain is to accept responsibility for your part in it. Before you stop reading and get angry and think I am victim blaming, take a breath. I will explain. There is never, ever, ever an excuse for abuse and it is never something anyone deserves. Not ever.

You know I am going to be real every time and the truth is, most of our pain is our own responsibility. 

First of all, with regard to relationships with a specific person, after the very first time you were hurt and chose to let it continue, that is on you. Sorry.  It doesn’t mean you deserve it, it just means that you MUST take ownership for it.  

When you saw the first red flag, you became responsible for your future pain. 

The 2nd part of this is expectation.  Pain is a reaction to an expectation not being met, so where did the expectation come from? Was it a reasonable expectation?

Example: Is it a reasonable expectation that your partner will not have sex with other people? Maybe, but maybe not.

Questions to ask yourself:

Are you in monogamous relationship? Yes- ask next question, No, then it is not reasonable

Does he KNOW you are in a monogamous relationship or is this an assumption? If yes, go to next question, if you are unsure then no it is not reasonable

Did he cheat on someone else with you? Yes, then no it is not reasonable. If No-ask another question

Has he done it before? Yes, then no it is not reasonable. If no, ask another question

I am pretty sure you get the idea. Make sure the expectations you are putting on the relationship are sound and reasonable OR at least acknowledge your part in the pain when it happens. And do better next time.

Okay so now here we are in a toxic relationship full of daily pain. Your brain tells you to leave and you maybe even physically did leave. (but more often than not they left).  You are full of hate and anger and it is spilling over into your health, your job.  Even after reading this, you may not be in a great place energetically to follow your intellectual cues.  It is important that you take action to unlayer this energy and get to the root of it.  Hate and anger are fueled by the contact with them, fueled by more pain, and it becomes so addictive that you thrive on it. It is the only thing that makes you feel anything. 

I promise you, this is a drug that will consume you.  There is a light at the end of this tunnel and you will feel again, but it will be in a most amazing way.  You must take the action steps to move this energy, no matter how difficult it seems.

As always there is a free download at the end of this post, please use it. And watch for the next part of this series. They will be spaced out a little more in the coming days and weeks so that you have time to use them and I can include something sexy for you to look forward to down the road.