7 Spiritual Ways to Have Better Sex- Part III
In the first two parts of 7 Spiritual Ways to have Better Sex we talked about the importance of a healthy sex life and we looked at the First 3 Chakras and their role in sexuality. Today we will look at how the 4th and 5th Chakras can be cleared to help you have great sex.
4th Chakra - Love Unconditionally
Okay, I can hear the objections already. How does someone that supports casual sex, one night stands, friends with benefits.. claim that loving unconditionally is a requirement of great sex? Think a little differently about the word love if you are referring to those situations. Think of love for other human beings, love for the experience they are bringing to you, be judgment free. If you cannot do this, perhaps you just shouldn’t invite this person to your bed. Or at least accept that you aren’t having the best sex you could be having.
In terms of relationships, I would like you to remove the programmed thoughts that place expectations on your partner. If he loves me then he would know this, If he loves me he would not want that. If she loved me she would behave this way, if she loved me she would want sex as much as I do.
Some men take their wives for granted and expect them to always be available for sex. Some women refrain from having sex with her husbands as a punishment when he does not fulfil her demands. This is not love. If you use sex as currency, you are definitely not having the best sex you could be having.
These problem lie in the heart chakra, this regulates our capacity to love. The heart chakra is located in the chest at the breastbone. When this chakra is blocked you may develop a fear of love. You hesitate loving somebody because you cannot even love yourself fully. When this happens sex becomes a chore, not a gesture of love. Passion disappears and so does satisfaction.
To create flow in this chakra, open your heart space. This is probably the most difficult suggestion I will give you. Can you have amazing sex without this, yes, can you have your best sexual experience without it? No. To maximize your sex life you must love from deep within your heart. Love yourself first. Learn self-love and then you will be able to love your partner better on whatever level that love is for the two of you. This opens doors for passionate sex.
To move energy in the Heart Chakra, try these activities or call me to schedule an appointment.
1. Push-ups- Okay, if you know me you know I am going to mention a physical activity if I can and who doesn’t love the results of daily push-ups?
2. Yoga – Heart opening Asana- Use a bolster positioned like a T against the upper back. Lie across it with the bolster (or rolled blanket) against the shoulder blades and the arms out to the side, but bent at the elbows (imagine a cactus shape). It should feel like you are stretching the chest and shoulders, not the lower back. Relax over the bolster and breath deeply.
3. Affirmations and Visualization – I suppose the affirmations alone will work for you if you are consistent, but to put some feeling and intention behind it, I would add a visualization. Imagine a tiny green ball of light in the center of the chest. Everytime you repeat one of the affirmations, imagine you are talking to the green light and it grows a little bigger each time. Repeat until you visualize your chest full of green light.
Try these affirmations or come up with your own:
“I deeply and completely love and accept myself.”
“I am wanted and loved.”
“My heart is open to love.”
“I forgive myself.”
“I live in a state of grace and gratefulness.”
5th Chakra - Be creative in bed to spark excitement
There are obvious solutions that any book will tell you… If you are having sex in the same position, try a new position. If you are having sex always in the same exact way with the same exact process, do something different. Be creative.
Another bit of advice from every sexologist on the planet… invest more time in foreplay. If you haven’t done these then you just aren’t really trying.. so I will assume that part is a given. Try something more.
Try Tantra, give your partner a massage with no expectations for yourself, do something different. Start your sexual activity with something creative. For this you need to be expressive. Otherwise you may have the same dull sex act every single time and this can bring boredom. Even if it is not dull, it can still become unfulfilling.
I have an example of this where I had an amazing partner, everything was always so intense and so thorough, so mind blowing. We had a tantric experience on our first time and it only got better from there. But after 2 years, I still craved something different, something to change, sometimes something less intense, less foreplay, sometimes something that didn't last for 2 hours, just something different. He was very sensual, slow, and loving. I craved something rough and aggressive once in a while. When I literally NEVER got anything new, I became resentful and just unhappy. It is important that everyone in the relationship is able to express themselves. I asked for what I wanted, I tried to find ways to get what I wanted in ways he was comfortable delivering, but it really came down to he only wanted it the way he wanted it. And since it was great he saw no need to change. This is really never going to work long term.
All partners need to be free to express this without the other being angry or hurt. Just because I wanted to try something different did not mean that what we were doing was not amazing. Someone narcissistic, with a fragile ego, low self-esteem, or an otherwise unbalanced life, will not be able to handle an honest discussion. When I stopped expressing my desires because he could not handle it, he was no longer able to satisfy me. I slowly just became less fulfilled.
The problem here is in the throat Chakra. When it is blocked it makes you dull and unexcited. You don't feel like you can express yourself the way you would like to, you cannot say what you really want, so you just do the act and go to sleep. Sex becomes purely mechanical.
The solution is to open the throat chakra. Find new ways to express yourself. Find new ways to change the environment. The more you do this the more you will see new ideas showing up. If you are not able to express your desires or have your needs met, you will have to make decisions about the relationship. For the sake of this article, we will assume you can eliminate your fears and share your desires in a way that is mutually acceptable.
To move energy in the Throat Chakra, try these activities or call me to schedule an appointment.
Use your voice – scream, yell, read your journal out loud, tell someone what you have wanted to say for a long time, even if you are only talk to a piece of paper with their name on it. Sing.. Not a good singer? Who cares, I suck at singing, but I don’t care. I do it anyhow when I am in my car. I also do all of my screaming and yelling in my car as well. I don’t care what you think.
Write - Write letters and say everything you ever wish you had said or wish you could say.. write to your younger self, write to your older self, write to you ex, write to your asshole co-worker (my co-workers are amazing, but I hear stories of other offices). Write words, even if they don’t make sense.. write feelings.. keep writing. Let it pile up on top of each other, just keep going until nothing else comes out, then burn it. Don’t mail those letters. Just don’t.
Wear a blue shirt, a blue stone necklace, a blue scarf. The color blue vibrates at the frequency of the throat chakra.