Is sex superficial?

Is Sex Superficial?

This was the topic of a session in Atlanta recently and it has been on my mind ever since.

I have worked with hundreds of people and if I am being honest, I cannot disagree that most people experience sex on a completely superficial level. 

How did we get to the point where the most intimate energetic and physical connection became so meaningless? I have a theory.

First, let me say that I fully support casual sex between consenting adults.  I do, however, think that even if you are not in a committed relationship or if you are not in love with your partner, you can still experience sex in the energy of love and connection.

Sex is a powerful force and can stimulate powerful sensations in the body. Sometimes that is the only time people feel anything in a society where we are all essentially numb with medication, alcohol, sugar (drugs), cortisol (stress) and more than anything, fear.

It can lead many people to just chase a feeling. This mindset will surely lead to superficial sex as one could just take what they can get versus looking for someone they truly connect with.

On the other hand, if you have never experienced anything else, then you may not even realize that it can be better

A few years ago, pre-covid, I had a regular partner that I was not in a committed relationship with.  He was one of my closest friends and I spent a ton of time with him and things were really good.  It was a good sexual relationship.  But it wasn’t as good as it could be.  I remember telling him finally that he could be having better sex.  I didn’t mean he could do something different or better or that I could. I meant that he could practice being in his body, moving the energy through his higher chakras, connecting with me on a level beyond physical.  He looked at me like I had 3 heads.

I hear people talk about how great their sexual encounter was or how connected they felt with someone they hooked up with, but it is so obvious to me that they could be doing so much better. Primal 1st and 2nd chakra sex can be mind-blowing, but there is so much more available.

If you are a person that believes the sexual act means something in and of itself, you are likely to be very disappointed and disillusioned when partners ghost you, break up with, cheat on you or leave you.

It is my wish that every person could experience a full expression of their sexuality, as the truly sacred act that it can be, a union between God and Goddess. At least just once.

There is a downside, you may be inclined to chase sex just to try to experience it again, which leads to more superficial sex.  You may also just not bother because nothing 2nd rate is satisfying to you anymore and you end up repeatedly disappointed.  You may also find yourself with feelings for someone, but unsatisfied with the sexual connection.  Just having feelings for someone or being in love does not create the experience.

I have made it really clear that I do not believe in “the one”, but I do believe in soul mates.  I believe we have many (we may not meet them all) and I believe we can BECOME soulmates through work, connection, care, practice. 

Do I think that you have to be with your soulmate forever for them to have been a real soulmate?  NO.  

I do know that superficial sexual connections are a choice. If you want something different or better, then stop having casual sexual interactions and make real connections.

Sex doesn’t have to automatically be part of your new relationships; you don’t have to follow your old patterns. Be honest, have conversations, speak up, use your voice and then act in coherence with that.  Don’t say one thing and do another.

Real connection is possible and next level sex is like the best drug you will ever take. And if you are lucky, you may be compatible enough to find a life partner. If not, it doesn’t make the experience any less divine.