5 Tips for Better Sex
I recently started seeing someone new, it was over before it started, but that is not the point. The point is that it could have been amazing. We were very physically and sexually attracted to each other. It was convenient and would have been very easy to just jump into a sexual relationship with him, but it was one of the few times that I saw a real potential for a tantric connection.
It is pretty rare for me to meet anyone that I want to spend that kind of time or energy on. In this case, he approached me first about Tantra which is probably why I believed he was interested. Long story short, he wasn’t and I was left disappointed. I can find good sexual partners easily, I really wanted to find something exceptional. Which this could have been with very little effort.
We live in a world of instant gratification and at the same time a world full of people that are not sexually satisfied. If someone told you that you could change your experience with just a little effort and patience, and once changed, it would be changed forever, would you do it? Would you at least try?
My friend was a pass on that and it is a shame in my opinion. But for me, I am not settling. I’m pretty well taken care of in the good sex department. But I just don’t want that anymore. Sex is sacred to me and I am looking for something exceptional.
For those of you that wish to try, I’m going to give you 5 tips for better sex.
Before I start, let me answer the most common question I get.
What is Tantra?
Tantra literally translates to an instrument to expand.
It is a dialogue between the God and the Goddess, the union of two.
Tantra is a practical system of devotion that is very ritualistic. Tantric rituals are used to condition us to see and experience all of life as divine manifestations. To embody the essence of Tantra, “Nothing exists that isn’t divine,” is the essence of Tantra.
Tantra is not about sex as most believe. However, sexual energy is life force energy. Handled properly, it is a beautiful thing. It can be used to heal, to create, to connect, and to take you to new levels of joy.
If you are interested in awakening your sexual power, experiencing deeper connection and opening yourself up to divinity, then follow me to learn more about this sacred journey where we not only acknowledge your desires, but we explore them.
5 tips
1. Create a Sacred Space- Wherever you intend to have sex with your partner, that is the space that you want to make sacred. Appeal to all of the senses. Clean it and make it look really nice. A cluttered space will impede energy flow, so de-clutter. For mood you can use candles, for scent essential oils or incense, for sound choose sexy music, and for taste you could choose some light snacks of fruit and/or chocolate. I personally do like to involve food in my sexual act itself, but if you do, have it nearby.
I personally recommend meditation in the space and even prayer together in the space.
2. Do a mindfulness ritual- Become present with your partner, look at them in silence and connect through eye gazing if that is comfortable for you. Once you feel centered and calm, declare something that you are letting go of, removing from the space. For example, “I am releasing judgment/frustration/anger from our argument this morning” or “I am releasing stress from work today” . Try bringing something in “I bring in acceptance of where we are in this moment” or “I bring in gratitude for your participation in this practice today”
3. Breathwork- This is an essential part of Tantra. The deep intentional breathing helps the expansion in the body, which is necessary to move the sexual energy out of the genitals for that full body orgasm we are going for. It also allows the movement of the energy for transferring and exchanging with your partner. Try breathing slow and deep. See if you can sync your breath with your partner before you begin.
4. Slow Down- Enjoy each moment, each touch, each sensation and each step in the process. Don’t think about what is next, how long should I do this part. Just feel into whatever you are doing and enjoy it fully for however long it is still enjoyable. Pay attention intuitively to your partner. If they are agitated, or moving or trying to redirect, then they probably don’t like what is happening. If you sense that they like it, just stay with it. Don’t try to intensify it or level up… if they like it, give them some time with it to enjoy that moment before moving on.
5. Don’t have an agenda – In Tantra, the goal is never orgasm, although it typically leads to many, many full body orgasms for all partners. Just stay present and feel what you are feeling, experience what you are experiencing and don’t think ahead and try to make something happen, if you are feeling your partner and you tune into them, you will intuitively know how to move with them, flow with them, and ultimately they will be in a state of expansion that will allow them to orgasm over and over.
For those of you who are practicing casual sex and are not really in “THIS” type of relationship with your partner, you can still do these things and elevate the experience. I practiced Tantra on my own pretty much forever. I have had few partners that consciously participated in it with me.
I still make my space sacred, meditate, do breathwork, spend time before they arrive connecting energetically to them. Because of this, I can expand my own consciousness and fill my body with sexual energy which allows me to have a fairly profound experience regardless of their participation in the rituals.